The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite 2 (We Only See Each Other At Weddings And Funerals) is the second issue of The Umbrella Academy: Apocalypse Suite. Published on October 17, 2007, it was written by Gerard Way with art by Gabriel Bá.
Nine years after parting ways, the estranged members of the Umbrella Academy have gathered for the funeral of their guardian and mentor. But their reunion is far from pleasant, as old wounds reopen, murderous mimes embark on a crime spree, and one of the siblings is seduced away by a mysterious villain . . .
Conceived and written by Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance, Umbrella Academy features interior art by Eisner Award-nominated artist Gabriel Bá (De:TALES), colors by Eisner Award-winning colorist Dave Stewart, and covers by multiple Eisner Award-winning painter James Jean (Fables).
Dr. Pogo wakes Spaceboy the following morning and tells him that his sister Allison has arrived (Allison, a.k.a. Number Three, a.k.a. the Rumor). Pogo tells Spaceboy that she’s been standing outside by the statue of Ben for quite a while and suggests that he go greet her. Spaceboy arrives outside where Allison is standing. She tells him that it wasn’t his fault that their brother Ben died, even though the others blame him. Allison points out that Spaceboy still uses his codename and wears the mask of their Umbrella Academy uniforms. Spaceboy awkwardly asks about Allison’s husband, but she tells him that they’re getting divorced and he’s getting their home and custody of their daughter. Allison tells Spaceboy that things change, making a point to refer to him by his name, Luther. Just then another of their siblings arrives, Klaus, a.k.a. Number Four, a.k.a. the Séance. Klaus, in his typical irreverent manner, states that he loves funerals because all the clothes he owns are black. Klaus flies into the house to find some coffee and Allison follows him, leaving Spaceboy standing next to Ben’s statue.
At the boardwalk in the City, a calm and pleasant morning is underway. Suddenly a number of terminauts appear, having teleported from somewhere, each identified with a number on its side. Terminaut Titus announces to the people that the boardwalk has been chosen as the best possible site to wreak havoc and goad the Umbrella Academy into intervening. When there is no response from the boardwalk patrons, Terminaut Brutus vaporizes several people on a carousel, inciting panic.
Number Five tells Spaceboy and Allison that their father Sir Reginald Hargreeves had always warned him about jumping too far ahead into the future. Number Five explains how he ignored his father’s advice and ended up far in the future, stuck in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Although at first he enjoyed the freedom that came with not having anyone around to tell him what to do, Number Five eventually wished to be back in the company of others. Number Five searched through an old library and found a book written by Vanya, their sister Number Seven, detailing how wrong things had gone, how their brother Number Six had died, and how the Umbrella Academy had failed. Number Five spent the next fifty years trying to figure out how to travel back in time, to no avail. Until one day, suffering from a psychotic break, he imagined a statue spoke to him, pointing out an error in his calculations, and thus he prepared to return to his own time, to the day his family fought the Eiffel Tower. However, during his travel backwards through time, he was pulled out of the timestream too soon and he did not back it back to that day. Spaceboy guesses that Hargreeve’s death may have had something to do with it. Their last surviving brother, Number Two, a.k.a. Diego, a.k.a. the Kraken, arrives and interrupts Number Five and tells him that he will have to double check the facts of his story. The others greet their brother and he tells them that the security cameras on the grounds mysteriously stopped working minutes before their father’s death, which he discovered was allegedly due to a heart attack, due to an autopsy he broke into the morgue to conduct. Spaceboy and the Kraken start arguing but Dr. Pogo arrives and tells him to stop, as it is time for their father’s funeral.
Per Sir Hargreeves’ instructions, the children put on their old Umbrella Academy costumes and gather around the coffin as it is brought to its intended grave. None of the children have anything to say, but their mother arrives and tells them that if their father had a fault, it was that he cared so much about the world that he was willing to sacrifice his personal relationships. Diego, the Kraken, walks up to their mother and rips off her coat, revealing her automated mannequin body, to her shame. Allison comforts their mother as Spaceboy warns Diego to cool off. Diego tells his siblings that everything Hargreeves told them was a lie and storms off, followed by the others. Dr. Pogo quietly lowers the coffin into its grave.
At the Icarus Theatre, Vanya arrives for her violin audition. She walks through the theatre and onto the stage when suddenly the house lights are turned on. A voice calls out for her to play something. Vanya warns the voice that she hasn’t even played her violin in twelve years, but she proceeds to play, effortlessly making beautiful music, until a string on her violin breaks. Applause fills the theatre. The lights adjust and she sees the members of the orchestra gathered in the seats, the conductor at their front. He introduces themselves as the Orchestra Verdammten, a collection of musicians who are all mad or murderers. The Conductor tells Vanya that he has written a new piece, the Apocalypse Suite, that when played correctly will destroy the world. He tells her that he wishes for her to help them perform the piece, but she tells him to find another violin and leaves the theatre. The Conductor tells his orchestra that she will be back, after suffering disappointment yet again at the hands of her family.
At the Umbrella Academy’s home, coffee and cake has taken a turn for the worse, breaking out into a fight between Spaceboy and the Kraken. Allison and Number Five follow behind them as the two take their fight onto the front lawn. Number Five urges the two to stop so that they can focus on the urgent matter at hand, reminding the others that in the future he learned that the world will end just three days after Hargreeves’ death. Dr. Pogo, from atop Klaus’ back, spots the carnival at the boardwalk, billowing smoke. Spaceboy realizes that Dr. Terminal’s Terminauts must be attacking, as they were programmed to do so should the Umbrella Academy ever reassemble, which means that their sister Vanya is nearby. The Kraken leaps into the river and swims towards the boardwalk while Spaceboy orders the others to head to the Televator.
The issue closes with a quote from Sir Reginald Hargreeves during his acceptance speech for the National Thallum Award: “In closing, I’d like to point out that I never intended to break the children, I merely sought to foster their potential which was unfortunately never that vast.”
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